Tuesday, July 24, 2012

The Second Amendment Blues

There was a phone-in show on public radio this morning whose main topic was the shooting spree in Colorado by some lunatic who killed or injured something like 70 people in a movie theater. The news reports inexplicably refer to him as “the alleged killer” in spite of the unanimous agreement of living victims, first responders, police, and the fact that he was the only one present with an assault rifle, a shotgun and two handguns. But I am wandering from individual to national lunacy.
The aspect of this sorry affair being scrutinized by guests and callers was “Should we consider regulating guns?” The answer to this difficult question was mulled over by both knee-jerk liberals and freedom-loving conservatives. The former group apologetically suggested that perhaps more care should be taken to prevent assault rifles falling into the hands of known felons, convicted terrorists, and the criminally insane; that, if it isn't too much trouble, maybe purchases of more than a truckload of ammunition and high explosives should be reported to somebody.
This outrageous assault on our personal liberties was stoutly opposed by the conservative side. As one patriot pointed out with some asperity, guns are all around us – making a few more restrictive laws won't make it any safer. Furthermore, he explained, these shooting are a rare occurrence and bound to happen anyway in schools and movie theaters and such since places like this are magnets for violent acts of this sort, and if nut jobs like James Holmes didn't have access to machine guns, well he would have used Molotov Cocktails instead, and just think of the mess that would have made.
At that point I really wished my radio had an instant replay feature so that I could confirm that an actual full-grown human being of presumably average intelligence had really said this.
The conversation then strayed into the area of whether it was wise to allow, not to say encourage, a demonstrably violent, trigger-happy population to carry concealed weapons. I wondered it the Patriot would voice the opinion of another Concerned Conservative that we should all not only be allowed, but required, to carry a firearm at all times. Happily he didn't, but he did argue that if more people carried a Glock, then random shooters would be much less likely to run amok in malls since they would be mowed down by vigilantes before the body count rose past five or six.
Somebody then pointed out that in situations like this, typically the damage caused by the crossfire is greater than whatever was likely without amateur intervention.
We then moved on to the patriotic importance of the Second Amendment, during which debate nobody thought to mention that Thomas Jefferson had never heard of an Uzi.
This entire horrifying exchange took place on National Public Radio, that bastion of liberal thought hated and vilified by the Real Conservative Patriots, those stout-hearted protectors of our Rights and Liberties, or at least the rights and liberties of rich, white, christian, men. I have not sought out any Fox News channels or radio stations that favor Rush Limbaugh, but I am struggling to imagine how a similar conversation might unfold on one of these venues. Would they opine that the mop-headed boy left anyone alive? Would they be outraged that the police had overstepped their authority by arresting an American citizen for simply exercising his second amendment rights? Would they be scornful that not one of the 70 victims shot back?
I'm not sure I want to know, but now I am giving some thought to what model of handgun would go best with my Birkenstocks.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Ito's Frog

I would never have known the little creature was there if the ever-vigilant Ito had not told me. She often sits on that windowsill looking out over the garden and keeping an eye on the moths that come to beat on the screen perhaps to express their disdain for my taste in Netflix offerings. I do not place much store in the opinions of moths so I let Ito deal with them which she does by fixing them with a laser stare and plucking at the screen with one or two toenails for the duration of her attention span which doesn't last for long.
But it turned out that there were other life forms taking an interest in my Netflix moths and that these were Out There, where the rubber meets the road so to speak, and it was one of these enterprising souls that Ito was attempting to form a bond with a week or two ago. She was doing this by plucking at the screen right at the bottom and also making a funny little noise. This was so interesting I actually got up out of bed and went over to look. What she had found there was a frog that had somehow found its way onto my windowsill which is located 15 feet above the ground, 8 feet below the eaves, and 3 feet from the closest wobbly twig. I stared at it for several minutes trying to imagine this tiny semi-boneless creature leaping these tremendous distances, then, exhausted by this intellectual excess, flopped back down in front of Netflix to rest.
However it got there it was wasting no time lapping down the smorgasbord of multilegged snacks gathered on my screen. I was so impressed by the very presence of this, no doubt, accidental visitor that I looked it up the next morning. Ito's discovery, it seemed, was a Wood Frog.
I had forgotten all about it by bedtime that night when Ito and I went up to bed for the next exciting installment of Netflix. As usual, I poked through the viewing possibilities while Ito paced back and forth across my feet until she had found the exact geometric center of the bed to stake out as her own and then we settled down to, variously, watch or snooze.
Soon the moths started gathering and then suddenly Ito sprang to her feet, took a shortcut to the window across my face, and there, mirabile dictu, was our impossible frog, oblivious to the ravening amphibiophile a mere screen's thickness way, prattling and strumming the screen.
After that, as one hot, oppressive night followed another we came to expect our new friend and Ito no longer even talked to it. And I stopped wondering how it got there.
But as a reminder never to take anything for granted, one night Ito dashed over to the other window and was staring at the sill. This window is at the back of the house where the terrain drops off abruptly and is directly below the peak of the roof, so it is much further to the ground as well as to eaves, and not a twig anywhere. Therefore it really was impossible that this tiny animal could have jumped from anywhere to get to its current perch among the moths.
It was hard to get a good look at it, partly because it was dark, and partly because Ito refused to budge, but in the end, the greater avoirdupois prevailed and Ito resentfully stepped aside so I could have a good look, and was amazed to see that this lumpy little gourmand was not, after all, our Wood Frog, but rather some kind of toad.
So now I am left to conclude that either we have both a magical frog and a magical toad, or that both of them are able to walk around on vertical surfaces for some distance looking for moths or that there is a prankster in the neighborhood with a very silent ladder who spends his days sneaking around among the deer flies catching frogs and his nights clambering up to people's bedroom windowsills to leave them for some experimental purpose.
Really, it's a tough choice, but I am inclined to go for the magical toad theory and next time I see one or the other I plan to sneak the screen off and catch it quick before Ito gets ideas. Not sure what's next. Do I kiss it and hope a prince emerges? Not much chance a prince would be much use – what I need is a prince who can fix the drains.
I'll discuss it with Ito.